


Late Night Reassurances

by Measured_Words



Category: Adventure World (game)
Genre: Control Issues, Dominance and Submission, Established Relationship, F/M, Honesty, Late Night Conversations, Love, M/M, Marriage, Past Abuse, Polyamory, Trust, relationship building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2013-12-03
Packaged: 2018-01-03 08:17:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1068170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Measured_Words/pseuds/Measured_Words
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ardith expected to find Vedran buried in blankets and asleep, as he hadn't lit a fire.  Instead, he was sitting up against the wall, wrapped in one of his robes, awake, and watching her.  He shook his head, breaking off immediately when their eyes met.</p>
<p>"Sorry," he muttered, and she knew instantly just where his mind had wandered, and that her worries were not as groundless as she'd hoped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Late Night Reassurances

It was late when Ardith and Aleyn got home from the party at the Collar and Cuffs, and she was tired but thoughtful. She gave Aleyn a goodnight kiss after peeking in to make sure the children were all asleep, and slipped down the hall to the bedroom she shared with Vedran. The air was a little chilly tonight and she was looking forward to cuddling up to a warm body. When she realized he wasn't in bed, she was briefly disappointed, and then slightly worried.

Ardith considered the options. He had clearly gone to bed here, as the covers were disturbed, but he hadn't stayed. He might have gone to Aleyn's room, though he usually told her if he was planning to do so, and he hadn't said anything about it. He wasn't up with any of the children, and she hadn't seen any lights in the study or library. It was possible he could have been pulled away for something work related, but if that were the case he certainly would have left a message with one of the servants. She hoped he was with Aleyn, but given the state of the bed, Ardith decided to eliminate some other possibilities. Taking up her oil lamp, she slipped across the room to the door to the adjoining bedroom.

Vedran very rarely slept in his own room – she and Aleyn liked to tease him that it was mostly to hold all of his clothes. Sometimes he'd stay there if he was feeling ill, or if he came home late and didn't want to disturb either of his spouses, and he'd stay there on the nights that Ardith and Aleyn spent together. Perhaps he'd just wanted to give them the opportunity for some privacy – that would be alright, she considered, but couldn't dismiss her concern.

The room was cold, and Ardith shivered slightly as she looked around. She expected to find Vedran buried in blankets and asleep, as he hadn't lit a fire. Instead, he was sitting up against the wall, wrapped in one of his robes, awake, and watching her. He shook his head, breaking off immediately when their eyes met.

"Sorry," he muttered, and she knew instantly just where his mind had wandered, and that her worries were not as groundless as she'd hoped.

“It’s cold,” she said, holding out her free hand. “Come to bed with me?”

It took him a moment to comply. He stood, shivering as he crossed the floor in bare feet, and let her settle him back in their room where it was warmer and they could talk more comfortably. She wasn’t sure if he came because he wanted to or because he was being obedient, but for the moment she was more concerned for his - and her own - comfort. Ardith changed quickly into a nightdress and climbed into bed, tossed back the covers, and opened her arms to him. He joined her straight away, relaxing some as he nestled against her. It wasn’t as common these days for him to get worked up like this. She held him for a while without saying anything; until she was fairly sure he wasn’t going to open up without prompting. 

“How are you feeling?”

Vedran sighed, resting his forehead against her shoulder, and she could almost watch his fight to bite back another apology. “Tired. Confused. Guilty.” He sighed again. “It’s not that bad. I’ll be okay.”

“Is it because of the party?” She’d gone with Aleyn to support Alia, who’d been hosting the first big ‘specialty’ event at her bar. In this case ‘specialty’ meant fetish, and a lot of negative associations for Vedran, who’d opted to stay home. He’d told them to go and have a good time, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t change his mind.

“I guess. I really thought I’d be alright, and I was until I went to bed.”

It was late, and Ardith was tired too, but she knew that it was better to deal with these issues in the moment, if possible. Being a little extra tired the next day was worth it in the long run. “What were you thinking about?”

There was another long pause before Vedran answered. “You and Aleyn. What you would see. What you would...think.”

“There was definitely a lot to see and think about,” Ardith admitted. “But nothing that made us think badly about you. It isn’t the same as what happened to you.” She was a little shaky on some of the details, but she knew enough to be confident or her assessment. “The people there tonight all wanted to be there, and they were all enjoying themselves.”

Vedran nodded. “And you?”

Ardith could tell they were honing in on the real issue, though she couldn’t quite guess what was at its heart. But they’d always based their relationship on honesty, and she knew it would be better to be truthful and sort out any resulting problems than to try and find the magic words to say to make Vedran feel better just for the moment. “Aleyn and I had a nice time, yes. We talked to people we knew, and we talked a little about things we saw that we found interesting, and whether we might ever want to try anything similar.”

“What did you see?” 

“We can talk about that if you like,” she answered, rubbing his back soothingly, “but I want you to look at me, okay? I want you to see that it’s me, that I’m right here, that you’re safe.” Ardith waited until he complied, meeting her gaze. He looked frightened. “We would never ask you - never want you - to do anything you weren’t comfortable with.”

“But if you wanted it…”

“There was nothing there that either of us saw tonight that we couldn’t happily live without. Curious isn’t committed.”

Vedran nodded, and though Ardith wasn’t sure how much of the message he’d absorbed, he was at least still meeting her eyes. They were still on dangerous ground though. “But you were curious?”

“About some things,” she admitted. “More the dynamics than any of the actual acts - the exchange of power, the idea of someone giving that up willingly to someone they trust.” When he didn’t answer right away, she continued. “Aleyn told me that you’ve done that with him, sometimes - let him take care of you, and tell you what to do.”

Vedran was blushing now, and he looked away. “It’s different, with him. I’m sorry, I don’t think I could...”

“It’s okay,” Ardith interrupted before he got carried away. “I don’t want you to do that for me. That’s not what I meant. I meant that… I can see the appeal, why you would want to give up that control to someone you trust. I think it would be very freeing, for a little while.”

“Yes,” he agreed, looking back up at her, relieved. “That and… it helps me, sometimes, to clear my mind, and let go of other kinds of stress, if I’m really overwhelmed.” Vedran paused, but Ardith recognized the look on his face that meant that he was still composing his thoughts, and gave him more time to do so. “It’s different with Aleyn, because - because he cares for me. And I trust him. With Jacinthe, everything was more complicated.”

Ardith let him go when he shifted again in her arms, and Vedran moved back, propping himself up on one arm. His cheeks were still flushed, but he was watching her intently, and he seemed at least relatively relaxed. When she reached out a hand, he laced his fingers through hers, squeezing them. “Do you want to talk about it more?”

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I think so.”

“We can stop if it gets too hard, and you can just come back over here, and let me hold you.”

“Okay,” he said, squeezing her hand again. “Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too, Vedran.”

Ardith still had to wait a little longer for Vedran to speak up again. He rarely talked about his first marriage in detail, and she was expecting more of the same scattered fragments that were hard to piece into anything coherent, let alone comprehensible. He’d had a little while to think this through, however, and she hoped she could at least follow what he had to say without having to interrupt.

“I know that…. the way things were, with Jacinthe, was different, like you said. I don’t want to go into the whole issue of… what was my choice and what was manipulation, because I still can’t make sense of it, and I know we don’t see it the same. But we never talked about what we were doing, and what we wanted, and what was okay… we never talked at all. What I wanted then was to make her happy, and I thought that I could do that by being what she wanted me to be.” He shook his head, but looked back to her as he continued. “But I convinced myself, for a long time, that it was just...bedroom games, that it wasn’t hurting me, that it didn’t matter - that I could leave it at the door, I guess. Sometimes it really did feel that way. I would let her tell me what I was, what to be, and I didn’t have to worry or think about it, because she was in control, even if what I thought I was...was terrible.

“Sometimes I needed that - to be allowed to be a failure, to know that I wasn’t expected to… well, to be free of expectations, pressures. She did help me, sometimes. I remember, during the Disaster… Everyone was overwhelmed then. She helped me let go of all of that for a little while, and just rest. I needed it, and I wanted it. So, I know it isn’t the same thing as the people at the club, but it isn’t completely different either. And because everything went so wrong with us - just the idea, that you and Aleyn….would want to go to that kind of party - I guess it made me more nervous than I realized. I don’t want things to go wrong with us.”

“Things - our relationship - isn’t going to go wrong, because we do talk, about the things we like, and the things that scare us. Because we’re honest with each other. Thank you for telling me this.” There was more she wanted to say, but it would be better, for now, to respect his desire not to dig too deeply into the mess of other surrounding issues, and his frustratingly unshakable conviction that he was complicit in his abuse by his ex-wife. There would be other times to keep working on that, but there was more to be sorted out here, if they could. “Can I ask you some questions?”

“Okay.”

“Can you tell me more about why the idea made you nervous? Or maybe - what you were afraid would happen, or that we would want from you?”

“I can try. It’s hard to pin down, exactly. It’s like… I don’t know if I could do it, all the time, and I’m afraid of what it would mean, even though we talk about things - like, even if we say, it’s just games, even if that’s true, it just becomes the same things I told myself before. It blurs things.”

“Oh Vedran…” She shifted a little, wishing she could just draw him back over to her again. But if he still needed his space she would let him have it. At least she was starting to warm up a little, with him under the blankets with her and the fire still burning. “We don’t want to confuse you. I hope that if we talk about it more, we could help things be clearer. It would be different with us - we’re never going to tell you that you can’t control yourself, or that you’re bad, or that we don’t trust you. You said it’s been different with Aleyn. Hasn’t it, when you’ve let him be in control?”

Vedran nodded after a moment. “It is different. Because I do trust him. I know he loves me. He wants me to be happy, to take care of me. And we can talk, and I know that I can tell him no, and that’s okay. But it’s still hard, because it makes me wonder why I need it, why being in control of myself is so hard, so overwhelming, that I need someone else to do it for me. I feel like… there’s something wrong with me.”

Now Ardith did move closer to him - still giving him some space. But she wanted to be nearer, to show him that she wanted to be there for him. “Vedran, there’s nothing wrong you for wanting to let go for a little while. You take on so much, and it’s wonderful to see how much you will take on to try and help people, to make things better for other people. I love that about you, and I know Aleyn does too. But it worries us, because you never want to put what you need and want before anything else. If you do, however you do it, it’s okay. It’s okay to let us take care of you, whatever that means.”

Vedran moved back towards her - not pressed up against her, but enough that she could feel the heat from his body more distinctly. “You already take care of me.”

“We take care of each other, because we love each other. And I don’t think it’s strange that it would help you to give up your control to someone that you trust. Putting myself in the care of you, or Aleyn, knowing that you love me, and would want to take care of me... I can see that being very freeing. Do you think there is anything wrong with me for wanting that?”

“No. But-”

“Shhh. I know I’m not you, Vedran. I haven’t been through the same things. But it doesn’t mean I’m not scared, sometimes, of doing or saying the wrong thing. Of losing control and messing things up either with the council, with the kids, or with you and Aleyn… I try very hard, but I’m not perfect, and the consequences of making mistakes are frightening. I don’t want to hurt you because I’m not patient enough to listen or wait, or to respect the things you need from me. We’re not so different, I don’t think. And I love you, and I trust you, and I think it would be very nice to let you be in charge and to have you tell me exactly what you want from me, and to give it to you without having to worry about doing something wrong, or having to think at all.” 

“I….want to be able to do that, for you, Ardith. I want to be able to take care of you. But right now, the idea is terrifying.”

She squeezed his hand, running her thumb over the back of his hand. “I know you’re not ready for that now. I know you’re scared and you don’t trust yourself. But I do. I want you to think about what it is you’re so frightened of wanting from me that you don’t think I would give you if you asked. And we can talk about it more, all three of us. Okay?”

“Okay. I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” There was still a lot to work through, but she always felt a little more confident when she could get Vedran to open up. “Will you come back over to me?”

Vedran shuffled back over until they were embracing again, legs tangled, his body warm against her scales and his head on her shoulder. They lay that way for a little while, until he told her he loved her, asked if he could kiss her neck, if she wanted to fuck. Once he was inside of her, warming her even more thoroughly, she felt more confident still about how far they had come, and how much further they could go, that they could both let go of their control a little and still find a firm support in the foundation that they had build together.


End file.
